Hope

HOPE is a four letter word but conveniently so is:
Crap, another negative pregnancy test!
F**k, why am I not pregnant yet?
Sh*t, am I the only person in the world who can’t get pregnant? I feel envy.
Hell, what is wrong with me? Come to my pity party.
Damm, that teenage girl got accidentally pregnant and I’ve been trying for months (what a sl*t)!
Darn, when is it my turn?
wait….time…cost…want…need…luck…aunt flow…wand…bump.
But after all the swearing and crying, we still hold onto the four letter words that give us strength: Love, Heal and Hope.
(www.999reasonstolaugh.com)


I'm feeling hopeless, today especially. I don't know, I'm throwing myself a pity party because that last few weeks have been rough for me. I started Metformin, Provera and Clomid over a year ago. I took a break for about 5 months this year to go on Birth Control to regulate my non-existent period. After I got off the birth control my period came and went like a regular one should. I was so excited, I was as normal as I could get! I ovulated with the help of Clomid I didn't need the Metformin or the Provera any more. Then this month.... no period at all. WHAT THE F! Why now? Why when I'm finally getting to the point where I actually believe this COULD happen for us does this happen? I'm sick of suffering, I'm sick of crying. I want to be able to tell people we're expecting, but I can't. Today got so bad that I actually asked Nate if he'll still want to be with me knowing I probably cannot give him children. He said yes, God do I love that man. He knows all the right things to say to me at my weakest moments. I'm BLESSED because of him, and I am grateful for him being in my life. I finally got to the point where I can admit, as much as it will hurt.. if we can't have kids, I am perfectly fine spending my life with just him. He's amazing and I don't deserve someone as amazing as him. But I am going to hold on to him for dear life, because I need him, I love him and I appreciate him.