It's been quite a while since I've updated this. Honestly, I'm not sure (at this point in time) what to update about. This past month my husband and I decided was our last month to actively try for a baby. Actively meaning with medicine and the help of doctors. It's SO incredibly heartbreaking to always here, "maybe next month." My body cannot handle all of these meds and my heart cannot handle any more negatives. So, we made a decision to let it go.. until after deployment. This breaks my heart even more than stopping because I know one of the biggest things was Nate wanted a baby before he deployed.
Good news is, my body is still working without the medicine. I had AF this month and I ovulated without anything. This is great news, because that means I can stop medicine altogether. On another note I have officially decided I will be having gastric bypass surgery. This should happen within the next couple of months. Our hope is that 1) I'll become healthier for myself and 2) I'll lose enough weight that I could have a baby a lot easier than I can now.
I'm just sad, I know I'm getting depressed about the whole thing. I've been talking to a counselor in hopes to kind of, forgive myself and move past the infertility. I need to realize that I am more than my infertility, and I will be okay regardless. I'm getting there, slowly but surely. It's a lot of work though and it'll take me quite a while.
Deployment, yuck. I've decided I'm going home during deployment. I just think being here, surrounded by pregnant people or people with kids isn't the best idea ever for me.. especially because I'll be here alone. So yea... going home for sure.
Anyways that's my life lately, I'll update a hell of a lot more often than I am now I promise!!
Until we're pregnant I'm hormonally yours,
Amber =)
